Belt Auction

how to know if you are a New Yorker....no offense to anyone.....is it funny?

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. 2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. 3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible. 5. The subway makes sense. 6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 7. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". 8. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. 9. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. 10. You consider Westchester "Upstate". 11. You think Central Park is "nature." 12. You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking. 13. You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal." 14. You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times. 15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent. 16. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid. 17. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed. 18. Your closet is filled with black clothes. 19. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you. 20. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. 21. You take fashion seriously. 22. Being truly alone makes you nervous. 23. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. 24. Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." 25. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you. 26. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form. 27. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise. 28. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. 29. $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. 30. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. 31. You don't hear sirens anymore. 32. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs. 33. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns. 34. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

Public Comments

1. Sounds about right. I used to work in New Yawk.
2. i once lived in NY and 95% is true
3. actually... you've pretty much got the point of being new yorker!! ;) and.. it is funny...--this coming from a new yorker
4. LAME.
5. I think I do speak about 10 different language,,,,,hehehe,,,good one,,
6. that's pretty rich but i have to argue with #4 in new york, hookers and homeless are the SAME (ba-da-bing!)
7. well never been there sounds like a great place to go and die
8. lame..
9. most of its true, so i dont find it funny
10. lol. i must be a new yorker stuck in aus lol. star
11. Lol nice, i've never been to New York, wish i could though.
12. Hahahahaha
13. Very good observational comedy.
14. hmm see what you mean babes you could be right
15. that has to be so true even though i don't live there, i have friends that do and in all the stories they tell most include some of things you have just sed
16. so true! i'm from buffalo and #23 cracks me up cuz it's exactly what my stepmom does!
17. I may live in Fl, but I'm a new yorker at heart!
18. That makes me want to visit even more!
19. #34...YA lyuBIT Novy York, balSHOye spaSIba. No I'm not a Russian, but I can understand and speak a little Yes "just alittle bit," ---lol---. Maybe I can apply a job to be a doorman?...i'm just kidding, hehehe...