Belt Auction

long but funny aircraft announcement! good or bad???

>>You've Never Heard a Flight Announcement Like This - Wouldn't you love to >>have this attendant on your next flight? >> >> >> >>Thanks to a retired West Jet Captain for sending this "paraphrase" of a >>memorable safety PA public announcement from their Flight Attendants. In >>his own words.... >> >> >> >>"I was flying to Vancouver from Toronto this weekend, and the flight >>attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane >>looking at each other like "what the heck?" (Getting Toronto people to >>look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took >>out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. >> >>I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it." >> >> >> >>(BEFORE TAKEOFF) Hello and welcome to West Jet Flight 438 to Vancouver. >> >> >> >>If you're going to Vancouver, you're in the right place. If you're not >>going to Vancouver, you're about to have a really long evening. We'd like >>to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The >>most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is, The Flight >>Attendants. Please look at one now. >> >> >> >>There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and >>one out the plane's rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows, >>please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad >>idea. >> >> >> >>Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the >>rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises >>to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did. >> >> >> >>We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the >>direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red >>ones at the exit rows. >> >> >> >>In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down >>over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight >>attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, I >>promise. If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is >>acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask >>first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a >>moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first and >>then work your way down. >> >> >> >>In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features >>of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal >>summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take >>it out and play with it now. Please take a moment now to make sure your >>seat belts are fastened low and tight about your hips. To fasten the belt, >>insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing -- >>not a pushy thing like your car, because you're in an airplane -- HELLO. >> >> >> >>There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking >>in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will >>assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide. >>There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. >>We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight hold on, let me check >>what it is. Oh here it is ... the movie tonight is "Gone With the Wind." >> >> >> >>In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get >>really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a >>good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns >>on your reading light. Please don't press the orange button unless you >>absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button. >> >> >> >>We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for >>choosing West Jet, and giving us your business and your money. If there's >>anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to >>ask. If you all weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing >>ovation, wouldn't you? >> >> >> >>(AFTER LANDING) Welcome to the Vancouver International Airport. >> >> >> >>Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the Captain's fault. It's not the >>Copilot's fault. It's the Asphalt. Please remain seated until the plane is >>parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane >>to the gate. So please don't even try. Also, please be careful opening the >>overhead bins because "shift happens."

Public Comments

1. bloody novel...i'll give you 10/10.
2. hahahaha funny
3. Pretty good.
4. lol. Would love to have he or she on my next flight. Thanks for sharing!
5. VERY GOOD, well done 10/10, u get the standing ovation!!
6. i like it, very funny x.
7. Haha lol, it's a wish-i -was there kinda thing
8. guess I'll avoid West Jet
9. excellent. thanks for sharing.
10. absolutley brilliant 10/10
11. i would love that flight attendand on my flight. lol.
12. Loved it 10/10
13. Haha. thanks for sharing. damn funny. its good reading it, but i would be like. What The F***, if i was a passenger. its not the normal way. one time maybe funny. aft that, not funny no more. lolz.
14. Bwahahaha, good one!
15. That is the best flight announcement ever, and I am sure more people would listen if everybody jazzed up there safety announcement. Keep up the good work and thanks for making me smile this morning.
16. Im speechless,Ha Ha
17. took a while to read but very funny