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memory/learning problems from stress, in the workplace?

Ive had severe memory problems my whole life, and I'm not talking about the kind were you forget some things. Ive ALWAYS had people (teachers, family, friends boss's) my whole life getting angry at me because I just can't seem to remember certain things. My job performance is terrible because I can't remember peoples faces and the discounts they get, or remember all the details about the products we sell and which customers normally buy what (I work in the paint dept. of an auto parts store). My coworkers all give each other looks and make comments about me, my boss is constantly yelling at me, my friends are angry at me because I can't remember conversations, I struggle in college because its so hard for me to retain anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a fog and I can't even see straight. I've disapointed everyone in my life because I can't be a goo friend/employee because of this. Its not because I'm not trying, I've been tring hard my whole life to appear "normal" and do the best I can at everything but I'm burned out. At work today a customer asked me for a type of pad and told me the size, and after I had taken the order over the phone and hung up my manager was like "did he want foam or wool" and I was like "I didn't think to ask him" and he started lecturing me about paying atetion to customers and how Ive been at this job 8 months and how he can't take my excuses anymore. This is the same scenario at all my jobs and I broke down in tears and just kept apologizing. I have flashbacks at work from being raped and stuff and sometimes I go into the bathroom to hide the tears and sometimes I throw up. I'm trying to be a good person and move past everything but my functioning level is at Zero and I seriously want to kill myself because I don't want to be in a world were I'm nothing but a disapointment to everyone. Could my memory problems be due to stress? I notice sometimes its harder for me to think straight when I'm thinking about rape or something bad happening. I know your suppose to be strong and move on in life but I'm trying my best and nobody believes me. I can't seem to "leave my problems at the door" as my boss tells me too. I'm not like this on purpose and I'm sick of being a bad person still. Sometimes I just sit and cry because I know I'm stupid and I can't do anything about it, Ive tried vitamins and meditation and writing things down but NOTHING HELPS.

Public Comments

1. i srry dats all i have to sayy
2. First of all your not stupid you trying your best girl and you can't do anything more than that. Remember to tell yourself that ok. What i would suggest is you go see your doctor as you may have something wrong. Please don't feel stupid or silly about this because you can't help this and if you where my friend i would be here for you. If i was your boss i would have listened to you when you said you can't help it. When i read this i felt so sad and sorry for you so if you want to chat on here about it feel free because i know that i want to chat to you so i can help you and you may want to to make yourself feel better. Im not a judgemental person or a person that will laugh at anything you say i just truly want to help you.
3. Your not sick or stupid, you hit the nail on the head when you said your thinking of other things. It's hard to remember anything when your mind is not engaged. You need to practice being an active listener, that means you will repeat or rephrase what you've heard to make sure you understand what people are saying. It also helps because you are saying it out load yourself which makes it easier for your brain to store it in memory. You do need to eat a balanced diet and get plenty of rest for your mind to work properly also. Try eating more fish, salmon is a great brain food. Also exercise your mind just like any muscle by reading for an hour each day and then try and remember exactly what you read. The brain will store more information than you can ever put in it so don't give up so easily. There are memory tapes by Kevin Trudeau that some claim to be a scam but I found they worked great and I'll still use his techniques. People are amazed I remember their names after only meeting them once casually and I also remember their occupation and what we spoke of the last time we met. So you can also improve your mind, but the main thing to know is it is YOUR mind and only you can improve it so get to work and I'm sure you'll do great. I'm pulling for you kid, so don't let me down.
4. First off, you're not a bad person and you're not stupid. It's hard for some people to understand how deeply something like rape can affect someone else. And unless you've had a flashback yourself, it's impossible to explain to someone how intensely real and horrifiying they are. My personal experience is that all kinds of things can be affected by stress, including the things you've talked about. I am also a survivor of sexual assault and it took me about ten years to fully move past it. What helped me the most was a form of counselling called EMDR. I'd tried other forms of talk therapy and while they helped me in the short term, it didn't help me get over the finish line, so to speak. If you are open to the idea of counselling, take a look at the two links below. They might help you decide if it's something you might be willing to try. You deserve to have a life free from all this. I hope you have it soon.