Belt Auction

Rive's: "If I controlled the Internet"?

Rive's: "If I controlled the Internet"? If I controlled the internet? You could auction your broken heart on EBay
 Take the money, go to Amazon,
 Buy a phonebook for a country you’ve never been to 
Call folks at random until you find someone
 Who flirts really well in a foreign language
 
If I were in charge of the internet
 You could MapQuest your lover’s mood swings 
Hang left at cranky 
Right at preoccupied
 U turn on silent treatment
 All the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin’ 
You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection 
Some days I’m as shallow as a backing pan
 But I still stretch miles in all directions

 If I own the internet
 Napster Monster and Friendster-dot-com would be one big website
 That way you could listen to cool music while you pretend to look for a job
 and you%u2019re really just chatting with your palls,
 
Heck if I ran the web
 You could email dead people
 They would not email you back 
But you’d get an automated reply
 Their name in your inbox
It’s all you wanted anyway 
And a message saying: “Hey, it’s me. I miss you.”
 Listen you’ll see, being dead is dandy.
 
Now you go back to raising kids
 And waging peace 
And craving candy
 
If I designed the internet 
Childhood-dot-com would be a loop
 Of a boy
 In an orchard
 With a ski pole for a sword
 Trashcan lid for a shield, shouting
”I am the emperor of oranges””I am the emperor of oranges””I am the emperor of oranges”
Now follow me OK
 
Grandma-dot-com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit bath instructions 1-2-3
That links with hot-diggity-dog-dot-com, that is my grandfather
 They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage-dot-… He forms an attachment to kind-a-ditsy-but-still-sends-ginger-snat… who 
Downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges who grows up to be me The guy who usually goes too far, so
 
If I were the emperor of the internet 
I guess I%u2019d still be mortal, huh?
 But at that point I would probably already have
 The lowest possible mortgage and the most enlarged possible penis, so
 I would outlaw spam on my first day in office
 I wouldn%u2019t need it.
I%u2019d be like some kind of internet genius. 
And me,
I%u2019d like to upgrade to deity and maybe
 Just like that

(p-o-p)

I%u2019d go wireless.
 
Huh.
 
Maybe google would hire this 
So I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus
 Until the worldwideweb is as wise as wild and as organised
 As I think a modern day miracle-slash-oracle can get, but
 Oooooooooo, you wanna bet just how whack and un-p.c. your Mac or PC's gonna be when I'm rockin' 

hot-****-hotshot-God-dot-net? 
I guess it’s just like life

Its not a question of if you can
Its, Do ya?
 We can interfere with the interface
 We can make you god hallelujah the national anthem of cyberspace every lucky time we logon
You don’t say a prayer
 You don%u2019t write a song
You don%u2019t chant an ooooohm
 
You send one blessed email to
 Whoever you’re thinking of
At
Dadeladatatatatatatadadeladedadela… *ALL CREATED BY RIVES!!! NOT MINE!!! Please let me know of what you think about his poem. And how it makes you feel. P.S. To get a WAY better feel for the poem, visit the video in which he performs. At:http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/rives_controls_the_internet.html

Public Comments

1. I loved this. How it made me feel? As I was listening to this (and watching), I found myself nodding in approval.